I'm going to share something intensely personal that happened the other day. I'm going to take you into my secret prayer life for a short visit, to a time when my spirit called out to the Lord, and He answered in a powerful way.
Perhaps something so personal to me shouldn't be shared openly in a blog... After all, that leaves me vulnerable to criticism, skepticism or other "isms" that might hurt me. Some might say it's no one else's business to know these things.
I've decided that my witness to the power and love of Christ is more important. Also...it makes me accountable. Not that anyone reading this would necessarily call me on the carpet....that would take gallons of love that probably only my closest friends and family have to pour on me.
Did you ever notice that when someone backslides, people everywhere are talking about it...gossiping...but NO ONE loves the person enough to talk to her or him personally? Well, almost no one. It's a tough thing to do, speak the truth in love. Because they might feel "judged".
I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If my friends and family use the Word of God and the writings of fellow saints as a guide to show me an error in my ways I thank them! Please care enough to say so.
But I digress.
Last week in my prayer time, I cried out to the Lord. The weight of my calling to ordained ministry was heavy on my heart.
"Father, I give my life to You, all of it. Let every second, every breath bring You glory. There is nothing I hold back for myself. Use me!
I need your presence and help every step of the way, because I am weak, a sinner. Transform me by Your Word. Make me more like You, Jesus. SHow me how to meditate on your Word, and walk on the path You have prepared for me! I don't just want to "know" your word, I want to be lead by it.
I know myself enough to know that there are so many barriers....pride, fear, selfishness, self-control issues. Things that could turn me from your call and make this about "me" and not "You". Guide me, Abba. I need you! Come Holy Spirit! "
My prayer went on in similar fashion for many minutes.
When I finished I turned to my Bible to check out the scripture I was going to use for Sunday's sermon. I knew I was planning to work with the passages in 1 Samuel regarding the annointing David as King...somewhere in chapter 15, I thought (of course I didn't have the lectionary verse written where I could find it...)
I turned to chapter 15 and read through in entirety.
BAM!!
The words hit me like a brick! God was talking to me and responding to my prayer very very specifically. As I read, God highlighted specific ideas that jumped out and spoke into my heart. I'm sorry that this sounds confusing, but it's the only way I know how to describe what happened.
Below is listed chapter 15, I have highlighted the words God used to speak to me...
1 Samuel 15
New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
The Lord Rejects Saul as King
15 Samuel said to Saul, “I am the one the Lord sent to anoint you king over his people Israel; so listen now to the message from the Lord. 2 This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt. 3 Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.’”4 So Saul summoned the men and mustered them at Telaim—two hundred thousand foot soldiers and ten thousand men from Judah. 5 Saul went to the city of Amalek and set an ambush in the ravine. 6 Then he said to the Kenites, “Go away, leave the Amalekites so that I do not destroy you along with them; for you showed kindness to all the Israelites when they came up out of Egypt.” So the Kenites moved away from the Amalekites.
7 Then Saul attacked the Amalekites all the way from Havilah to Shur, to the east of Egypt. 8 He took Agag king of the Amalekites alive, and all his people he totally destroyed with the sword. 9 But Saul and the army spared Agag and the best of the sheep and cattle, the fat calves and lambs—everything that was good. These they were unwilling to destroy completely, but everything that was despised and weak they totally destroyed.
10 Then the word of the Lord came to Samuel: 11 “I am grieved that I have made Saul king, because he has turned away from me and has not carried out my instructions.” Samuel was troubled, and he cried out to the Lord all that night.
12 Early in the morning Samuel got up and went to meet Saul, but he was told, “Saul has gone to Carmel. There he has set up a monument in his own honor and has turned and gone on down to Gilgal.”
13 When Samuel reached him, Saul said, “The Lord bless you! I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.”
14 But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?”
15 Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice to the Lord your God, but we totally destroyed the rest.”
16 “Stop!” Samuel said to Saul. “Let me tell you what the Lord said to me last night.”
“Tell me,” Saul replied.
17 Samuel said, “Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you king over Israel. 18 And he sent you on a mission, saying, ‘Go and completely destroy those wicked people, the Amalekites; make war on them until you have wiped them out.’ 19 Why did you not obey the Lord? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the Lord?”
20 “But I did obey the Lord,” Saul said. “I went on the mission the Lord assigned me. I completely destroyed the Amalekites and brought back Agag their king. 21 The soldiers took sheep and cattle from the plunder, the best of what was devoted to God, in order to sacrifice them to the Lord your God at Gilgal.”
22 But Samuel replied:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt
offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
he has rejected you as king.”
as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
he has rejected you as king.”
26 But Samuel said to him, “I will not go back with you. You have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you as king over Israel!”
27 As Samuel turned to leave, Saul caught hold of the hem of his robe, and it tore. 28 Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today and has given it to one of your neighbors—to one better than you. 29 He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind.”
30 Saul replied, “I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel; come back with me, so that I may worship the Lord your God.” 31 So Samuel went back with Saul, and Saul worshiped the Lord.
32 Then Samuel said, “Bring me Agag king of the Amalekites.”
Agag came to him confidently,[c] thinking, “Surely the bitterness of death is past.”
33 But Samuel said,
“As your sword has made women
childless,
so will your mother be childless among women.”
so will your mother be childless among women.”
And Samuel put Agag to death
before the Lord
at Gilgal.
34 Then Samuel left for Ramah, but
Saul went up to his home in Gibeah of
Saul. 35 Until the day Samuel died,
he did not go to see Saul again, though Samuel mourned for
him. And the Lord
was grieved that
he had made Saul king over Israel.God showed me the dangers to avoid in my walk with Him, and the way to remain in His will! He used King Saul as a lesson in "what NOT to do", so to speak. If I had to translate what the Lord spoke into my heart with this passage it would be this:
"Bridget, see how Saul failed when I the Lord raised him up as a leader over my people.
I gave him a clear command. I sent my High Priest Samuel to deliver the message, so there was no guessing. Saul disobeyed, and this disobedience took root and produced bad fruit.
Saul's bad fruit:
- Disobedience to God's direct command
- Pride: setting himself above God in his own mind and in front of God's people (by building a monument to himself in Carmel for his own honor)
- Dishonesty. Lying about what he did and why he did it
- Denial / Blame. Not taking responsibility for your failures
- Fear of men rather than fear of the Lord - Caring more what men think rather than what God thinks.
- Hardened heart - seperation from a personal relationship, as evidenced by Saul calling the Lord "your God" vs. "My God, or Our God"
- Ineffectiveness - watching someone else (Samuel) complete a mission God commanded Saul to do
WOW! God spoke to me in answer to my prayer. I was overwhelmed.
Was this a warm and fuzzy, easy-to-hear message? Heck no! I have lots of work cut out for me, and I will have to be vigilant DAILY to keep from these pitfalls. But the Lord promised to help me and answer my call. And, as we see above 29 He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind.”
I hope that in sharing this with you, I have encouraged you, too, to pour out your heart to the Lord. He knows we have weaknesses, and by His grace He comes to our rescue.
One more thing... We have something on our side that Saul did not have: Atonement of sin through Jesus Christ! We are free from condemnation and nothing can seperate us from God's love. That's GREAT NEWS!
Well, sorry for being so long-winded on this Monday afternoon! Have a super day. :)
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